Talking Door Knockers
by Lucy Atkinson
You can just imagine these knockers as a couple of grumpy old men, sitting at the side of a river fishing… or sitting on their porch perhaps whittling some wood or smoking a pipe! Those of you with the traditionally ubiquitous lion’s head knocker can also be grateful that not every doorknocker has this amount of animation or personality. When Sarah has to pinch the door knocker’s nose shut to get the ring back in, you can see how you might have a bit of trouble doing that with a live lion’s head – with metal teeth, nonetheless!
It is possible to buy these knockers online, but they don’t strictly fit the antique theme that many of you reading our blog will be looking for. They may be a cute way for your kids to join in on your fascination with antiques and architectural classics, though. If you get sick of hearing “Knock, and the door shall open”, just take the batteries out!
SARAH: HEY.
LUDO: HMM?
SARAH: WHERE DID THEY COME FROM?
LUDO: HMM?
SARAH: WHAT DO YOU THINK, LUDO?
SARAH: WHICH SHOULD WE CHOOSE OUT OF THESE TWO UGLY CHARACTERS?
LUDO: MMM…
KNOCKER1: IT’S VERY RUDE TO STARE!
SARAH: OH!
SARAH: I WAS JUST WONDERING WHICH DOOR TO CHOOSE.
KNOCKER2: HS DF ASA PST.
KNOCKER1: DON’T TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL!
KNOCKER2: I’M NT TLKG WTH MY MTH FLL!
SARAH: Wait a second, I CAN’T UNDERSTAND YOU.
KNOCKER1: WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?
KNOCKER2: AH!
KNOCKER2: OH! OH!
KNOCKER2: IT IS SO GOOD TO GET THAT THING OUT!
SARAH: WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?
KNOCKER2: IT’S NO GOOD TALKING TO HIM.
KNOCKER2: HE’S DEAF AS A POST.
KNOCKER1: MUMBLE, MUMBLE. YOU’RE A WONDERFUL CONVERSATIONAL COMPANION.
KNOCKER2: ALL YOU DO IS MOAN.
KNOCKER1: NO GOOD. CAN’T HEAR YOU.
SARAH: WHERE DO THESE DOORS LEAD?
KNOCKER1: WHAT?
KNOCKER2: SEARCH ME. WE’RE JUST THE KNOCKERS.
SARAH: OH.
LUDO: RRR.
SARAH: HOW DO I GET THROUGH?
KNOCKER1: HUH?
KNOCKER2: KNOCK, AND THE DOOR WILL OPEN.
SARAH: OH.
LUDO: HUH?
SARAH: LUDO.
LUDO: HUH.
LUDO: HUH.
LUDO: AH!
KNOCKER2: I DON’T WANT THAT BACK IN MY MOUTH.
SARAH: I WANT TO KNOCK.
KNOCKER1: DOESN’T WANT HIS RING BACK IN HIS HOUTH, EH?
KNOCKER1: CAN’T SAY I BLAME HIM.
KNOCKER2: UMPH!
KNOCKER2: MMM! MMM!
KNOCKER2: MHHH!
KNOCKER2: MMMHHH…
KNOCKER2: AH!
LUDO: YES!
[MUMBLING]
SARAH: SORRY.
KNOCKER2: THAT’S ALL RIGHT. I’M USED TO IT.
SARAH: COME ON, LUDO.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Some of the knockers on our site have just as much character, without the ordeal of having to go through a grumpy conversation every time you would like to go through your front door! Check out the range of pleasantly inanimate, but infinitely more stylish knockers with the door hardware.
Labyrinth is a 1986 fantasy film directed by Jim Henson and produced by George Lucas.
May 12th, 2007 at 5:53
Haha! I love this film. I remember as a kid, the only things that got me interested in it were laughing at David Bowie’s indecently tight pants, and also seeing Hoggle peeing in the pond at the start of the movie!
I still reckon I could have got through the Labyrinth faster than Sarah :)
May 19th, 2007 at 12:44
I agree! She clearly chose the wrond door. So many better questions to ask. And like the worm says at the start, she went the wrong way to begin with!
November 13th, 2007 at 22:54
Hello, you mentioned these door knockers from Labyrinth are on sale on-line. I have been all over and have not found them. Am looking for them in anything from plastic to brass.
Can you refer me to a current site or store that carries them?
Ever so grateful, Anna
November 14th, 2007 at 10:16
Hi Anna, did you try on eBay?
November 26th, 2007 at 20:09
Hi Anna, I originally saw them on a site called astrolog, but when I try to visit it now the page won’t display. However I did also find this page: http://forum.muppetcentral.com/showthread.php?t=16448, which has quite a few links to places that other people say carry them. Also in solid brass, apparently! Let us know how you go :)