What do a doorknob and your bottom have in common? No, it isn’t a trick question. No, not that they’re both round, and it has nothing to do with having ‘buns of steel’!!
We recently happened across a game which apparently is popular enough to warrant a Wikipedia entry, although I have never heard of it.

Just to make farting even more hilarious, somebody has invented a game called ‘Doorknob’. The rules are:

• If you fart (presumably audibly!), you have to say ‘Safety’, before anybody else can say ‘Doorknob’.
• If you fail to say ‘Safety’ before someone else says ‘doorknob’, you have to run to find a doorknob to touch, while everybody else in the room chases and pummels you. Very civilized!

Apparently, people are much more vigilant about listening out for other people’s farts, and calling doorknob when the ‘farter’ (that is, as opposed to the ‘fartee’s!!) is camping, on public transport, or somewhere else where there are no doorknobs handy. I’m not sure when the game is meant to stop then … it must all be at the mercy of the pummellers. Also known as the fartees :-)

Did you know that there are a total of 13 rules that are associated with this game?! I’m amazed, and a little scared. Here are a selection of the most hilarious – the others include things like multiple farts being associated with multiple ‘safety’ calls, saying ‘safety in a clear and audible tone, and no lethal weapons … only ‘swift and accurate punches to either the forearm or the diaphragm’. They are so nice sometimes.

• Even if the farter says ‘safety’, if the participants say ‘aftershock’, the farter must still find something made of wood to knock on – or he can still be beaten.
• If participants anticipate a fart – for example, if you lift your leg, or sit on somebody’s head ;-), but it hasn’t actually happened yet, and someone calls doorknob, then the person that called the doorknob becomes the object of assault. The pre-flatulator (word of the day!) must call doorknob, and the caller has to find a doorknob. It basically reverses the situation.
• You are allowed to fart in your own bed, under the covers, or outside, or in your own bedroom, without fear of recrimination. Phew!
• If you fart more than once, you have to declare your safety’s differently – you can’t just call it over and over again. Specifically, it has to be done like when you make a kill in the game Halo – so you would say “Safety. Double safety. Triple safety. Safe-tacular. Safety spree. Safe-trocity. Safe-amanjaro”, to the number of farts produced.

There is a huge number of variations … probably as many as they are fraternities and primary schools combined, in the Western world. For the full, and very amusing list, go to Wikipedia.

Bear in mind that this game was probably invented by some of the first people to read the email going around that lets us know that we breathe in around 20 litres of other people’s anal gases per day. You must feel sorry for yourself, and therefore exact revenge, somehow!

You would want to be quick with your ‘safety’s in the Architectural Classics offices… or very practiced at staying silent!!

Photo credits: who does that by dusdin

This entry was filed under Other. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.