It really is amazing what people think of … while the world has given us some extremely useful inventions: like the wheel, the toaster and the electric nose hair puller, it has also given us some not-so-useful ones. These retractable doorknobs are possibly one of them! Another one of the many things that makes me wish that someone had thought of all the starving, homeless people in the world before deciding that what the world really needed was …

These doorknobs by Yanko Design, which are supposed to provide extra security by retracting after you leave the house. Burglars cannot enter (ahem!!!), because they cannot pick the lock, because there is no lock to pick. If you are like any of the commentors on the site where we found them (www.gizmodo.com), you have probably seen one to ten of the hundred things that are wrong with the premise, and the execution. The author mentions that they won’t stop the FBI from kicking down your door (if you happen to be one of those criminals with all the lastest gadgets, but absolutely no brains!), and several other people also point out that the door knob, and the lock, are not the weakest points of a door. The weakest point is the door frame, which these doorknobs do nothing to affect. They become even more pointless when you consider the fact that any burglar worth his salt wouldn’t be kicking down a door … or probably even picking a lock. They’d just be breaking a window, getting in and out as fast as possible. In fact I think you might be doing your neighbourhood burglar a bit of a favour, giving him some comic relief on his way to work! You might find yourself burgled even more often, as they come back to see what other funny tricks you have on your door :-)

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Poor old doorknobs often get quite a bad rap. We are culpable for contributing to it ourselves … blog posts report on the footpull used to avoid germy bathroom doors (where 34% of men, and 12% of women don’t wash their hands!), and also on the bactericidal properties of brass. But we only just recently came across a wealth of information on other ways and means people have of avoiding horrible, horrible public door knobs … which are nothing like your gorgeous home ones!

There are the old standbys – low tech but high wastage methods like using a paper towel to touch the actual doorknob. Unfortunately though, if there is no rubbish bin installed right outside the door, you either have to carry around a supposedly germy paper towel (ewww … they’re crawling around onto me!), or chuck it on the ground. Definitely not good for the planet, or the look of halls outside public bathrooms. Or you can try to throw it in the bin next to the door as you are leaving – but you have to be quick and tricky, because there is no going back in! Logically flawed, that solution is.

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In the US town of Naples, in Florida, drugs have been turned (indirectly!) into doorknobs, by socially responsible police policies.

They have not managed to compress any fine white powders into anything sturdy enough to open a door with … although psychedelic mushrooms are already sort of doorknob shaped, aren’t they?! What has actually happened is that a fund of money confiscated from arrested drug dealers has been used to further safety in the area. As a coastal town, it is to be expected (however sadly and unfortunately), that the drowning rate is higher here than in landlocked areas. While pools have laws about locking and fencing, there is no such law for the ocean. Thank God!

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Editors in Irish Independent have featured us in their ‘Top Shop’ section. Thanks for that guys!

Our knockers are set to be used for the new film version of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol … which many of us probably know best from the Disney version with as Ebenezer Scrooge (hmm, I wonder where Disney managed to come up with that Christian name for their duck?!!).

The film is set for release in 2009… with Jim Carrey playing Ebenezer Scrooge, we are not sure whether the movie will be of the serious, poetic sort, or the Christmas Grinch sort.

Either way, it will have some serious, genuine antique furniture in it! Our locks are being modelled for use in the character Scrooge’s office, and some of our chandeliers are also being used as a reference for set builders.

Filming will begin next year … wish our hardware luck on its imaginary plane journey, and make sure to see the film when it comes out.

Photo credits: Scrooge by Steve Crandall (drawing by Carl Barks)