A Little to the Left With That Helicopter!

At last, I have a new place to go to in my daydreams - when my fingers are tired of hitting keys, instead of retiring internally to a lush tropical island (there was sand getting in my bathers, anyway), I can now imagine myself at Charters in Berkshire, England, at one of the new Art Deco apartments that have come up for sale.

Charters is known as the ‘last great country house in England’ (although I’m not quite sure why! It certainly looks more like a jetsetting city residence that has been picked up by Martians and dropped accidentally in the middle of a giant lawn). One journalist did describe it accurately though, saying that you could imagine Gatsby’s jazz parties taking place on the lawn.

This illustrious and insanely expensive house is now owned by Sabre Developments. Previously, the Duke and Duchess of Windsor were lent the house, in around 1947, then in 1975 bit became the headquarters of DeBeers - plum-mouthed diamond experts.

If have the starting price of £1.7 million to buy a luxury drop-in apartment, you will have full use of in-house benefits such as an air-traffic controller to park your helicopter, as well as valets to park your limousine (although I’m not sure why your chauffer wouldn’t do that … unless you are so rich that even your chauffers don’t park their own cars!). There are also on-site personal lifestyle managers, to set out your clothes, and organise your diamond-studded, gold plated iPod library.

Honestly though, it would be worth it simply for the clean, third-generation quirkiness of the historic Art Deco design. Looking in some pictures almost like a prison, with its blank walls and grilled windows, when you see it up close you can appreciate the detailing in the bricks, the integration of linearity and curvature, and the beautiful dark-from-the-outside, light-from-the-inside double height windows.

There are also some gorgeous original features preserved, like original wood panelling, a marble floor (surely not throughout?! It doesn’t specify … could anybody be that rich?), and a bespoke marble bathroom designed for Mrs Parkinson. No, I’m not sure who she is either
They have also added two new buildings, where they are duplicating architectural details from the original like the old wooden bookcases, more wood panelling, and the awesome double-height windows I was talking about. These two new buildings are known as The Court, and have a joyous naked lady (made of bronze!) waiting with open arms at the front to greet you! The cherry on the cake, in my view
An efficient and discreet concierge team comes with the apartments; the air traffic controllers and valets are part of the bundle, but there will also be personal shoppers, travel agents, cleaners (of course), butlers, caterers, and people to arrange tee-off times for golf games! In case you have forgotten how to dial your friends’ phone numbers, or are simply too rich for the taxing task of speaking to somebody that you like.

Ahh … perhaps I will just imagine myself in a non-air traffic controlled, rustic, slightly dirty but very personal and friendly Art Deco house instead!



2 Responses to “A Little to the Left With That Helicopter!”

1. Eh? says:

   8 December 2008 at 11:48 am

   Aren’t DeBeers Rooibos tea drinking diamond experts? Dem’s South African, eh?
2. Fed Thru Tube says:

   9 December 2008 at 7:50 pm

   I don’t know if the service would be personal enough for me. Like Homer says when he went into hospital : “You mean he gets fed through a tube, and all this time we’ve been feeding ourselves like suckers?”

   I think they should also have someone to suck your stomach in for you, doesn’t it get SOOO annoying doing that all day?